this was a snip out of from murshies suprise birthday party this year las february
i initiated the suprise with reasons to patch the assumptions up wif friendship
the boys came with him and other necessities while me being an over-the board planner had the cake ordered and to be done prior within 15 mins ( we were on the way to pick the cake up and i called for the cake to be done)
it was sweet jus like hw ive planned and expect it
but i didnt like the uninvited guests
yes they were accuantance and friends too
but this was souly OUR friend's party
but my fury got me reminded of what mursh would always love to leave it on me
"Sheena.You have such high expectations of things and people"
....
That my friend does not work well on me
Not that i dun take critics i take it too hard that i believe critics are thrown for me to change
So as per requested,i changed every inch bit of myself that things go unnoticed
I love having random but valuable conversations with mursh
which he thinks otherwise
he thinks d convrsations i have are always random and measly
too realistic to be solved or think over
too random to be talked about
at the end of the day it just something to ponder over
pondering is what i do best
wondering is what i do best too
call me waste-youth with a wishful thinking
i dont do design for nothing
i mindmapped my scenarios,possble answers,possible layouts of every action or character
i choose my friends to avoid in indulging in massive gossip girl bomb
i do not say hi to avoid heavy judgemental of claimed wishful thinkers upon meetups
i am oblivious to the surroundings and irregard friends whom i use to call friends to build a clean sheet
all this because i didnt wanna be too judgmental on people
mursh wasnt the only one who love reminding me of my expectations of people
i had someone from the past who use to remind me that i come across as someone too strong and domineering that friends in school didnt like how i do things around
after all this years this friend could even tot the friend knew me too damn well to tell me how present is doing for me
"...Coz they are forced to listen to you."
how can that be possible when right now,i turn the tables over
This comes to a point where judging people jus scare d shit out of u
With all that ive been cold and witty due to the fact that i took the other approach
rmber my high expectations of people?
it has been implemented on me
I judged how i look,how i act,how i smiled,how i laughed,what i wear,what i do and how i talk
i construct my sentences at eevry meet ups like eevn a simple hello
I neevr allowed a single strand of hair out from sight
I make sure i am definitely colour coordinated
I strut depending on my daily concept alter ego
All this because i dun like people to judge me so i avoid it by being not friendly
Dont tell me how i implement hard gestures and make it too damn hard for me to control
It works for me too damn well that I am too happy to leave this position and live off regretful
Just like what happened las month left me too regretful to face the world
Too regretful to even learn
.......
How could i not throw Mursh away with all the scenes we had before?
How could i forgive and move on way too damn easily?
How could i even get over it?
Mursh is a true friend
A true friend nvr leaves and they dont make another friend change
They alter themselves for their friends nt jolly well tell the other person thier mistakes
And why I say that?
Coz at the end of our conversation Mursh said this;(something along this lines)
"Dont be too hard on yourselves.Take a break from these things.You should know better to tone it down for your sake."
"And stop ranting Sheena!"
True friend.True friend. Our future best man.
*sobs*




Can you break this love that controls by the blodd that flows from the tip of our fingers?



" Have you heard of a foreign Queen before?" - Blair Waldorf; Gossip Girl Season 2 Episode 25

xoxo
Sheena Waldorf

Had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day again"
- bad Day by Fuel
(and i have Omar singing this in my head like how he did at Tacha's Chalet)