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Its Only Life - Kate Voegele
Sunday, October 03, 2004

"pening penigku..sakit hati degan mu..tanpa mu ku tahu..ku aja yang mampu..buat ape berduka..katakanlah saja...aku terus ikhtiar.."

well..ma daes been very de ja vu for me..its like evrythyn all cumyn back to me...okae..here it goes...

scene 1: "watcha gona do wen yu cant say noe..wen yu r feeling start to show and i reali need to noe it..how yu gna act hw yu gna handle dat..watcha gona wen yur ex cums back.."

okae..well ruzainis like been back in me...i mean..hes like dis case of d ex man..sriusly,well he smotig=f cumyn back is to make hys "gerlfren" life easier.fuck hym.yu aint makin any1 life easier shithead.yu makin ma lyfe a living hell!wada fuck yu tynk yur doin tryin to make 2 gerls meet?well at first place i dun mynd doin it..but nw..pls lah..ove rma dead bodi...even now..if i were to meet her...i use to dun mynd sayin hi or haf a small talk but now..pls lah..fuck off ma face!i noe i change dat doesnt mean i styll haf ma typikal biterness and ma temper...nobide steps on ma head nomore.had enuf.gosh okae...ive complain evrytang to c.p ysterday and today im sooo urgh..coolde dwn tho so im gna recolect ma ysterdays anger and do dis..okae..2 daes ago..chat wif ruzaini..kinda of weary of hys return tho..wel we chat and talk tyngs out..styll culdnt settle sum issues...den i gta ask hym co zi wanan noe...i dun like getyn close bck...id un like it..id un mynd..but hes diff and i am..i noe he expect d old sheena but no im nt k..den i ask....hes nt tynkyng of any posibilty of patch ryte?den he told me he used to..but he waz pissed wen i waz wif wandi..so he noes im ove don so he 4get dat idea..but styll...so i take dat as a no..okae fyne..so im okae...i waz hopin for dat tho...so i noe i can leave anytyme..as a fren..den okae..so we chat and chat...den at nyte i cried...i culdnt sleep..okae peple expect me to be okae wif her.oka ei dun mynd..i can do dat..but den now i culdnt..i dun wan to..den i tynk evrytang has been fyne...dey are both now closefrens..duyde no wories...ruzaini dun need to handle a gf nimore to be frens wif her..welll i mean i juz dun wanan get bck..evrytang has been fyne for me and her.y bother to meet uo now??it doesnt maek a diffrence.but den i tynk...ma frens want me to do it...for ma fren sake...coz i waa ryn hard to be frens wif ruzaini.,.duyd ei noe ruzaini gt no frens...so dards why he sfrens wif fud..oka efyne...i noe he cant trust nione.ahamd hys bf?whwere did he go?atan hs bestfren where did he go?i noe..dards why i m recahyn out ma hand to hym but den d tyng bothers me as a fren is dat i juz culdnt understand...ruzaini can go to any extend any measure any tyreatment and speciality foir dat godamn her.oake dpast is past he didnt do dat for a hys gf.so fyne go off..den..oka enow.. d reason i left...d reall =reason.he took me for granted.4 6 mths..wat did i get?i werk ma ass off and i gta meet hyma nd her whom meet up almost evryday after werk..den i go bck alone.wat i am?spatre tyre?y she culdnt hug yu,kiss yu touch yu so yu ha dme to do all dard ryte?fuck off manokae...den d left waz..i CULDNT GO ON>>>FIGHTYNG FOR ATTENTION AND TREATMENT FROM MA OWN BF EVEN I HAF D RYTE FROM A GERL WHOM I RESPECTFRENS DSRIUSLY...CP IS DER FOR YU 24/7 YU JUZ DUN REALIZE>..YU DUN USE HER>>YUR SOO BLINDED BY BEING+ FRENS WIF FUD DARDS WHY...YU ARE AFRAID YU LOOS EHER>>BUT YU ARE NT AFARID OF LOSIN YUR FRENS...YU ARE WILLIN TO SACRIFICE YUR FRENS OF ^ YRS AND BE CLOSE AND ADDICTED TO SUM! WHIO YU JUZ NOE ALMOST A YER!I NOE YU BTR BUT I DUN FUCK CARE>...IM BAD I LEF YU!I SAY DAT>..buT PLS>>>I WANAN BE UR FREN BUT yu kold FUD YUR FREN BUT YU DUNS EEM TO REALIZE HW YU TREAT HER AN DUS!!US!!ITLL BE DARD WAE IF YU WANT IT>>>>LEAVE YUR FRENS OF ^ YRS>>LEAVE>...DUN BTHER QWRYTYNG POEMS COZ YUR FRENS SOO NT GAN GIO BAKC!IF YU DUN CHANGE>>>REALIZE>>>blajr pandai2 gi jc..tapi bodo..yu dun take tyem to sit dwn and realize..yur too egoistic...yu pentynkan diri yu ..yu hrut sum1 else...im juz a fren i can take dat i dun mind..but tyll now yu dun realize d tyng bhyd it...i use to tynk okae i make fuds life difficult i put her in a dif fpostion...but now...fuck....she put me in werst chairs y do i bother...ruzaini put me in diff situasyen y do i bopther listen to hym?hearynt o hyM/tendin to hym?Y FDID I NT LISTEN TO MA MUM AT FIRST PALFCE!MA MUM IS SOOO RIGH TBOUT YU RUZAINI SOOOOO RYTE!id unoe....why wards wrong wif hym...i tried jzu beeiong frens..i dune evn wana go bck to hym..i noe hw hes lonely..i wana b efrens..but...see?whs makin ma lyfde a living hell..watevr i said watevr its fall son deaf ears...he onli listens to sum1..onlie her...WHO IS JUS A FREN>>.FRM LKAS YER>>..tyll now...plslah...like c.p said..y didnt i persever wif ruzaini??y did i left?y shuld i sate wen i noe sum1 oi lurve for 3 yrs nt gifin me d stttention i fite for?/he sgifin it to sum1 else??why??and i got sum1 on d line to want me and willin to gif me hys attention??y?y bother stayin?y bother stayin wen i noe i aint esential in hys lyfe?im notyin?y?....plslah..pepel...dun tynk dat im bein sheena...sour graoes oir wateverr d fuck is...but wen i tolerate i gif in,...dis is ward i get?onbviusly,,yesterday waz soo proven...i dun tynk im gna....leave for good.................................................................

scene 2: "Oh simple thing where have you goneI'm getting old and I need something to rely onSo tell me when you're gonna let me inI'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin So if you have a minute why don't we goTalk about it somewhere only we know?This could be the end of everythingSo why don't we goSomewhere only we know? "

...like amin say...he gaf me dis song..if he meant ward is in dis song ...well he snt doin it..and i dun like it...fuck...wel ysterday went to gwc...chill otu do sum stuffs for werk..dhtier bulletin board...cabut skool ha..lazi ah..hahahh welll...den decided to go usq after dat..wana meet rian long tyme hafnt mee ther....i soo feel like a vip..hahah wen i cum i do visitin i gat go to dese both den deyll go EH SHEENA..hahahh okae okae..ye ryte...den go usq knew amin werk lah..juz dat i dun wanan see wandi...den dpoin ma werk waitin for rian...den amin came in..den amin went ASSALAMUALIKUM...den shake hands lah..den he say wat for cum den i say biuat dodol..den i gif hym a sarcastyc looka nd lokk away..den waz dooin ma werk lah..drawin ma fashion..den licin their manager alway sliek to see me lah..she went..ISWANDI TAK ERJE NIARI?den i went wide motuh and went noooooooooooooooooooo...i freaked and i went shy i soo gan get out of ehre...damit!iuts been 4 mths...hhah den waz doin ma werk den turn around and saw amin lookin at em den wen i saw it he lok diffrnt way den i liek rolld ma eyes gif dis disgusted look lah...den turn bck..hah bycth...hahah den chill out dne tellhym 28 days to ma birday den is ae btr gf me prezies den he liek mals nak lyn liek dat...urgh..den im like fuck wanan be frens but liek nt sincere for ward..ien i ask hym ysterday i msg yu ask whtehr rian werin yu nvr ans leh..dne he like eh oh sori eha nvr see..wahalu heart pain sia..hahhden fancy msg me sayn heop our frenshyp last forver/..waklu lah..wad d fuck yu tynk yu are??frne shyp..fuck lah...den i went off and evrybodi sai dbye..i ddint!i walk off...plslah..den sat dwn..k.j lihke an asshole loom at peopl one kind siol..haha dne i sae lah...usq sucks ah..den he say alamk dis gerl like nasi campur siaden wenver i say sumtyn hell go dne i like fuck ah...dne he laugh hha fun ah see disturb me..hahahden i se ah usq sucks ah..den k.j say yalor laz tyme no sucks sard..den i sae dard one history..old stuffs..den dey all disturb me..hahahhwell liek duh!den heard ah wandi liek despo liedat..all gerls prety want to get to neo..hahah stoopid...niwaeys..practically all dard....

see kats boycute boy..sooo cute..den go bck took bus at yishun waityn for 969..dose wher d tyme...ma last yme wif wandi was waityn for 969 at d exact same plce...sigh!niwae went bck dards all...plslah...

i made a conclusion...i dun tynk i shudl gif in..why shuld i do ward ey want...ward i want now is ...i wanan make ma werds happen..ward i dun wan i trow,...and i mean it i torw..so basicallly for all who readyn dis..yu neo wat and who im gan trow now!!FINALLY.....

welll got skol today madrasah..been cmeetyn new peeps..ya..evryone at wrk says im a playgerl nwo..heard rumours bout me change soo nice wear2 liek gerl..hahah plslah..den dey say i now heard i am playgerl...very naugthty fuck ah..im juz datyn hafyn fun..watevr say watevr yu want..im a playgerl fyne..be it..lurv eit.../hahahahahniwae been chatyn wif akim..ma advice werk on hym..ive been nagin at hym to fynd a werek an dstop smokin and he did..but nt smokin lah..he wnt to fina job..AT KLEAST HE LISTENS!hha well he did...foun d ajob mb start werkin dunoe wen tho..hah hes been askin me loads of tyem whter i liek hym or not..pls lah..nw nt intrested yet...hahhah den been chatyn wif rashid..hah dis cuties from ite dover...finally sum1 i foun do tu who dun tynk like tipkal ite doerians and who dun fynd seri a cutie..hahahamin say seri nt pretty even rashid..hahah but rashid he tynks diffrently...he says all gerl in ite dover soo childish all poser sroxy babe but dne poser..haha i went i ageree..altho ilike dir stuffs...inoe ma limits..hahahah denm he say ya..i agre..yur unique man..an di dsay i heard dat loads of tyems but i noe yu gusy dun mean it..and hela lguh..hahah sriusly...hes 22 very open..he say hes nm makin fren in dover coz he sold enuf and he feels he soo gta get out of der fast....h es in oac club so he snoes wandia amin all but he nt hardcore..den tol d hym botu wandi and seri he laugha nd hes ay i dun understand i te people..d gerl sa re lame...hahahha dne i went den yur 22 find gerl out of dover..dne he say im memtyn one from lasael herd dwn here..and i mlaugh pls laj...hahahaha hes cool...didfrnt tynking...salute hym...hes philosphy in lyfe. d dsame as me..haha i can t believ it... maclone..haha

klah gtgo..need to egtready bye..:P


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